Post by ISABELLA MARIE SWAN on Jun 30, 2010 0:31:33 GMT -5
BELLA MARIE SWAN.
HUMAN . NINETEEN YEARS OLD . KRISTEN STEWART
i was searching, you were on a mission.
then our hearts combined like a neutron star collison.[/CENTER]
hey look at this! it's a freeform application! post anything here. well, not just anything, but y'know ... important stuff. it's totally up to you as to what you include in this section, but make sure that we at least get a hint of things like personality, history, all that stuff that admins look for in an app.
Strangely enough, all of these conflicting emotions, all of this awkward tension with Edward and inevitably Jacob despite his absence at the present, made Bella think of her own parents. Charlie and Renee were now two names that the young woman had a hard time stringing together in a sentence, even though they were in fact her mother and father. It was almost as if they were two separate entities and were not, by any merit, related in any fashion to each other, inasmuch as related meant two people owning the same pair of shoes. At one point in their lives, they had fit as one, had been two halves of a whole, and yet they had fallen apart, and then Phil had become an evident part of the picture. Those two halves had split right down the middle as if they had never co-existed, as if they had been two mismatched puzzle pieces that had been callously rammed together. Now, their only real reason for communication, the only reminder of what they had been, was Bella. She was the lingering remnant of their relationship. Well, I damn well should be, her thoughts argued bitterly. I'm their daughter! Yet, as important as her parents were to her, Bella inevitably found her thoughts drifting to two other people, two others that were just as important in her life, even though she had countlessly tried to deny the aforesaid significance of one. The two were not connected in the same aspect as her parents, but they nevertheless still possessed the same common ground as Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer, the same link that tied themselves to Forks and to each other, the reason that one of them had been called to return to the dismal town - Bella. Isabella Swan remained the joint liaison between Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, and she knew that if it hadn't been for her and her uncanny ability to attract danger of the acutest kind, then the aforesaid two people probably would never have found themselves in the same place again.[/size]
I had never thought that he would come back, her thoughts reiterated as Bella's gaze drifted to Edward's face at the current moment. And even though this isn't exactly what I had imagined, I can't say that I mind having him back... Yet, as she let her mind wander, she found herself venturing into dangerous territory. Thankfully, Edward's voice once again jolted her to rapt attention as it had seemed to be doing an awful lot in the duration of their conversation. However, as Bella's mind registered what he said, she might as well remained in the safety of her own thoughts, for she was in more danger of speaking the truth aloud as they perpetuated - in her mind, the only person that could possibly hear the factuality that she had been trying to hide for quite awhile now was herself. And goodness knew that she had heard it enough times - hearing it once more couldn't inflict any more damage than had already been wrought. "Well, while it's good to know that my safety's taken care of," she said, choking back the words that burned on her throat, the words that wanted desperately to escape from her throat. You don't give yourself enough credit. Who was the one who saved me from my own stupidity in the ballet studio? That was all my own fault, not yours, so don't you dare blame yourself for that - you need to stop wallowing in your own self-pity and allow yourself to be happy! In condemning yourself to unhappiness, you're going to ruin the lives of other people that love you....just like you did mine. No. No, she would not think that. Her thoughts were sharp, and the memories were painful, but they were inescapable. Biting back any semblance of a similar sentiment that threatened to pass through her lips, Bella sighed before speaking again.
"I want you to be happy." She grimaced slightly as she said this, suppressing the urge that she had to add with me to the end of that statement, however transforming her expression into a meager smile. Bella willed herself to be selfless in all of this, yet that was becoming increasingly difficult. "But you need to know a couple of things. Denying anyone love, even if you think you have just cause or you do it with good intentions is wrong. Being deprived of love is never in anyone's best interest." Her eyes glistened with the ghosts of love past, reflecting her inner injury. However, as she continued, they were alive with passion, a fervor in her voice that was unmatched by many. "You see, that's the thing - being in love is a risk. You can't plan what's gong to happen. If you did or were even able to, then it wouldn't be as exhilarating a feeling," Bella spoke, her thoughts imminently drifting to every moment that she had shared with Edward. How ironic it was, that this conversation was perpetuating in the meadow, their meadow to be accurate. It was a place that had seen the first blossoms of love, and now it was witnessing the harsh realities of love in form of a conversation about the sentiment. "You're thinking too much about it, Edward," Bella continued, her chestnut orbs baring into his topaz-colored ones, not wavering in the slightest. "When everything's right and you meet that person, you'll feel it. You'll want to risk everything for her and all the troubles in the world won't matter because you're in love. Love is feeling, not logic."
Bella finished her speech with finality and heaved a heavy sigh as she did, her shoulders drooping as she did so. This certainly wasn't the conversation that she had anticipated having with Edward upon seeing him again for the first time, although she was glad that they were speaking instead of the awkward silence and tension that she had dreamt of. As their discourse turned back to the situation concerning the Volturi, Bella was tempted to roll her eyes at Edward as he chided her for not being fearful of the aforementioned vampires. "Do you want me to cower in fear?" she inquired of him, "because we all know how much of a help I would be if I turned all slasher-movie victim-to-be on you. I prefer my realism of the situation, thanks." Crossing her arms, Bella's stance became almost defensive, definitely more guarded at least. She had always hated when Edward treated her like a child when it came to this vampire stuff - and true, she didn't know everything there was to know on the subject, but she knew enough and that would suffice. Plus, whatever she was assuredly to be prompted on the matter by Jacob whenever she got home. As Edward continued to remark about the wolves, Bella stared at him in surprise. Uncrossing her arms, she opened her mouth as if to speak, however beat to the punch by Edward's continuation. "That is why at least one of us will be out in La Push every night watching over your home, or wherever you happen to be. Alice, unfortunately, has found that her visions do not work on the werewolves. Your future disappears when you’re with them." Well, this certainly was a new development; knowing that Edward could possibly lurking outside her window every evening didn't make Bella feel the slightest bit more protected. In fact, it made her feel more uneasy about the whole thing, and she didn't mean her situation concerning the Volturi.
She chose not to remark on this, instead clamping her mouth tightly shut but visibly contemplating the issue. What did he mean that Alice's visions wouldn't work when she was around the werewolves? She was Jacob Black's wife for crying out loud! That meant she was going to be around a werewolf quite often, and Bella had a sinking feeling that, coincidingly, that also meant that she would be seeing a lot more of Edward Cullen. If the Volturi don't get to me, this will surely do me in, she thought, imagining Edward standing outside of her and Jacob's house in La Push at night - oh good Lord, she was never going to get any sleep now. Unfortunately, it seemed that their conversation had also managed to return that subject - the uncomfortable discussion of her feelings for Jacob and invariably, the subtext of her feelings for Edward. "Oh. I thought you’d been married longer." Edward said after her having corrected him on the matter of the former. There was a nonchalant air to his reply, yet there was an undertone of surprise and honest disbelief that caught Bella off guard. "Why?" she inquired in curiosity. Had she given off an impression that she was that attached to Jacob and that she was so settled into her new life? No, that couldn't possibly be it, otherwise they wouldn't have been having the conversation they were at the present. Truly, Edward had piqued her interest with his simple sentiment, and Bella wondered if it had been warranted by anything other than a mere assumption.
Bella's turn for a merited awkward reply came next, however, as Edward questioned her proclamation of happiness. "The situation?" he asked of her. "Would you be truly happy for the rest of your life if the situation wasn’t present?" Good grief. How on Earth was she supposed to answer that? While the bystander that knew of the perpetuation of events concerning the Volturi would have interpreted his questions as nothing but black and white. Yet, as Bella captured his tone of voice and let her gaze wander to his face, she had a sinking feeling in her stomach that he had insinuated more with his inquiries than a simple voicing of concern for her sanity provided the danger she was in. "How do you expect me to answer that?" Bella replied softly, her tone sorrowful and unsure. "I don't know what my life would be like if things were different than they are now - I'm not a fortune teller." Letting her gaze drop, Bella's fingers idly traced her wedding band before allowing her eyes to flit back to rest on Edward's facial features. "Perhaps you should ask Alice - she's more apt to tell you, although that's only barring..." Clearing her throat, Bella averted her eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; it was the first time that she had really let her feelings slip, and she regretted it. They were already traveling down a dangerous road, and she wasn't doing much in the way of helping to direct them back onto a more sensible path. However, as she mustered up her remaining courage, Bella wasn't quite sure she preferred the sensible path over the dangerous one. It was time to take that plunge, and it was now or never. "But really, I'm not concerned with my happiness," she said, taking a deep breath and exhaling before she continued. "It's ours that would change."
